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Woman and Perfection

09-07-2009

“You see, when wearing a blanket, an Indian woman leaves a flaw in the meaning of that blanket to let the soul out” – Martha Graham

Olga Korbut changed the face of Olympic gymnastics in Munich in 1972. She was the first of the teenage gymnastic sensations. The Russians were the first to hit on the magic combination of power, grace and flexibility, with an intoxicating hint of cheekiness. Korbut was the first Olympic gymnast to score a “perfect 10”. On the face of it she had attained a level of human performance, which was “perfect”. In fact, she had changed perceptions of what was “possible”. Her performances on that day would score nothing like “10’s” in the current gymnastic environment. A witness I spoke to said, “you knew you were looking at something exceptional”.

Where does this leave women, striving for perfection in much less specialised areas than gymnastics? The notion of perfection is that it is something to be aspired to, rather than it’s being achievable. Yet, I am struck by the number of women who feel they have “failed” if they fall short of self and societally imposed standards in their work and as partners and parents.

The post-feminist legacy seems double-edged. Some of the more blatant inequalities have been addressed, at least in some social systems. But even in societies where progress has occurred, the glass ceiling remains. This leaves women with the onerous reality of having to be “better than good” to compete in the workplace. The understandable choice to delay reproduction (until careers are established) has followed.

Having made this choice, the pressure to become the “perfect” parent mounts. This occurs often in a situation where, at some point, there is also a desire to return to the intellectually stimulating and financially rewarding work environment.

Henry Winnicott, the Developmental Psychiatrist, wrote about the “good enough” parent. This seems to have been replaced by the motion of the “not good enough” parent. This job is tough enough for anyone, especially where genetics conspires to produce a more difficult child temperamentally.

The so-called “family friendly” workplace attempts to make the juggling of parental and work roles easier. However, bottom-line and operational requirements often preclude the “higher-order” ideals.

So, where are we? In my opinion, we are still in the midst of a social experiment.

When working with women affected adversely by this situation, I notice self imposed and societally-imposed expectations which are unrealistic. They are also unkind. I find myself exploring what is really “good enough”. A review of motions of “perfection” and the personal price of this is also a necessary conversation. Expecting “perfection” invites failure.

Oh, not to mention that this is all occurring in the real world, where stuff happens, and people are also working on their intimate relationships.

Complicated : yes.
Difficult : yes.
Able to be resolved : often, but disastrous when it isn’t.
Support from family, friends and partner : vital.
Help available : if you are brave enough to ask.

“ They say that nobody is perfect. Then they tell you practice makes perfect. I wish they’d make up their minds”. Wilt Chamberlain.

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